6:33 a.m. - 2004-07-23
It's been six years.
Yesterday was the last day of my six year enlistment. Today is the actual six year anniversary of the day I went to basic training. 'Technically' I'm a free man until I go to the reserves sometime in the next month or two. I don't know what's going to happen, so I don't know what to plan for. I don't like this anxiety.
I went to the 'happy place' last night, the Platinum Horse Cabaret. People expect me to be happy there. To me it is church. It reveals to me the truth of things. The deacon is the atheist bathroom attendant. His words of wisdom to me tonight were: "That's good stuff," he said as he pointed at my pentagram necklace. "Any man who won't die for their beliefs doesn't deserve to live."
*Sighs* I don't know if I've ever believed in anything strongly enough to die for it, and I wouldn't call what I do living. I just exist. I just take up space, air, food, and any other supplies. Atleast I'm somewhat pleasing to the eye. Although I'm not petite, I am not an obese sack of fat either. *Shudders* I don't like the icky fatness of people.
Tonight's song verse that is circling my brain is "separate the users from the whores." A fairly appropriate song for a 'strip joint' don't ya think?
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