3:39 a.m. - 2004-07-25
If you're reading this...
...that means I'm sitting here at o'dark thirty in the morning writing this instead of slitting my wrists, shooting myself ("staring down the barrel of a 45"), or driving head on into something or someone.
This is NOT a cry for Help. This could be a cry for Love.
I went to "church" again tonight and had "communion".
Since then it has came to me. The reason I don't feel like I belong is like on the "Butterfly Effect." I'm not meant to be here, and I don't have a soul. I'm already slated to die.
Stupid oil, stupid war.
I'm seeing that I'm not supposed to become close to ANYONE while I'm home because I'll be sent to Iraq soon. What happens there I don't know, but odds are high that somebody who is just as angry at me for being in his land as I am for being there will kill me. Fucking behead me on the television and laugh his fucking ass off in the name of a god. WELL FUCK THAT!!!
Everyone needs to pull their heads out of their asses.
Technology COULD do a wonderful job making this world into a utopia. People need to drop their religious posturing and petty commercialism for a good long while. Let's fix this fucking world with technology and gods be damned. I'm sure that ANY benevolent creator would rather have us fix our own problems with the skill at creating we as a species possess instead of having to blow off a shitload of power to start everything (or most everything) over from scratch. We've been "bad bad children." Now it's time to clean up our rooms. I'd say there will be plenty of time to play later, but I think atleast one generation screwed that up for us, if not a whole lot more.
It doesn't matter how "pretty" you are, but being fat is wasteful. There are lots of excuses for it, but it's all bullshit. Get off of your ass and change it. If that's too much effort, stay on your ass, but stop eating. Put the food down fat ass!
Yes, I'm being mean. Yes, I'm being an asshole. No I don't need you to tell me about it. I'm not getting paid to hear your problems. If you didn't want to hear mine you wouldn't have wasted your time reading my diary.
Thank you and good bye.
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