6:48 p.m. - 2004-08-23
a conversation:
iwaslikeu: hello
Catsmeow1224: hey there
Catsmeow1224: I've got three little girls in my house
Catsmeow1224: my two are sleeping, the third is giving me trouble.
iwaslikeu: aww...
iwaslikeu: and you're still sick?
Catsmeow1224: yes.
Catsmeow1224: it blows
Catsmeow1224: I was doing good until about ten minutes ago. My throat just started hurting again
iwaslikeu: .oO(i'm going to germany!)
iwaslikeu: medicine isn't helping?
Catsmeow1224: nope
Catsmeow1224: and yay!
Catsmeow1224: you'll have to write to me while you're there just so I have a letter postmarked from Germany
iwaslikeu: okay, will do
iwaslikeu: i've been told i ought to drive to eastern europe to find a woman while i'm there
Catsmeow1224: well, that's completely up to you
iwaslikeu: if i get the opportunity to drive on my own it'll be up to me
iwaslikeu: .oO(owie, i've had a sore in my mouth on the right side at the corner of my lips, my fangs caused it)
Catsmeow1224: ouch.
Catsmeow1224: that's never good
iwaslikeu: i've had it for a few days
iwaslikeu: peroxide hasn't helped, neither has salt
iwaslikeu: good thing i don't use chewing tobacco
Catsmeow1224: have you tried orajel?
iwaslikeu: nope
Catsmeow1224: it might help it be less uncomfortable
iwaslikeu: with all the pain it causes, it should send a message to some part of my body to start healing it
Catsmeow1224: Thar we go
Catsmeow1224: that makes for a happy Nikki
Catsmeow1224: *loves me some Linkin Park*
Catsmeow1224: OH, I've been wondering
Catsmeow1224: what do you think of Velvet Revolver?
iwaslikeu: i was going to go see them at the town fair in pennsylvania, even got offered tickets to go while i was at club posh
Catsmeow1224: so....
Catsmeow1224: that means you like them?
iwaslikeu: enough to go see them, yeah
Catsmeow1224: I LURVE them!!
Catsmeow1224: their latest song rocks
iwaslikeu: Finally, the subject displayed a pathetic and useless (seriously bad) sense of humor, a nearly satanic lack of morality, and a arrogant and inflated self-confidence. The balance of these three traits is important; high levels of confidence, medium levels of morality, and a good level of humor make for the strongest individuals. "
iwaslikeu: part of my untelligence results
Catsmeow1224: brb, I'm being Miss Nikki'd
iwaslikeu: .oO(Miss Nikki, must be southern manners)
Catsmeow1224: yep
Catsmeow1224: We're teaching Robin the same ones
iwaslikeu: she has gotten so adorable
Catsmeow1224: ya think so? I think she's pretty cool, too
iwaslikeu: from what i saw...yeah cool
Catsmeow1224: She's a really good girl.
Catsmeow1224: She and Ginger took turns playing with the Divine Bovine on the way home
iwaslikeu: is that what you've named it?
Catsmeow1224: Holy Cow just sounds a bit cliche
iwaslikeu: well, i saw it at a hallmark a while back, and thought of you...
Catsmeow1224: Great. I'm glad cows make you think of me : )
iwaslikeu: high school, whichever dance it was where we all went to wallymart and you looked like a bride...
Catsmeow1224: eh, you've got me. I don't remember that far back
iwaslikeu: i was hoping to jog a memory... but you used to like holy cows
Catsmeow1224: Hm.
Catsmeow1224: *nods*
Catsmeow1224: doesn't ring a bell, but I trust you
iwaslikeu: .oO(that's odd)
Catsmeow1224: what is?
iwaslikeu: anyone trusting me
Catsmeow1224: maybe you're looking in the wrong places
iwaslikeu: possibly
iwaslikeu: your sis "trusts" me, as in she trusts that i won't hit on her because "Nikki would kill (me) a million different ways with her bare hands"
Catsmeow1224: that's not trust, that's just common sense.
iwaslikeu: regardless...
Catsmeow1224: and if I remember correctly, your response was "She's just jealous"
iwaslikeu: she can get jealous like that
iwaslikeu: those were my words
Catsmeow1224: hahah
Catsmeow1224: you're silly.
iwaslikeu: me silly?
Catsmeow1224: And I apologize for bailing on you the other night
Catsmeow1224: I'm sure you could tell I wasn't having a good day.
iwaslikeu: you're sick, not a problem
iwaslikeu: so why did your mom think you're a terrible person or whatnot?
Catsmeow1224: Robin had a diaper rash, and all I could muster out to say was "What would you like me to do?" and she went off on me for being "nasty"
iwaslikeu: .oO(silly... not a word i'd use, but i'd rather not spiral into a self defeatist depression right now)
Catsmeow1224: I went off back, and I made it clear that she understood that I was sick and was trying to use as few words as possible so that I didn't hurt worse...
iwaslikeu: diaper rashes happen... what does she expect?
Catsmeow1224: That I wasn't trying to be terse, i was just trying to not hurt.
Catsmeow1224: I think she was just drawing it to my attention, but I wondered if she was trying to tell me that she needed the cream, or that I shoudl call the doc because it was really bad or soemthing
Catsmeow1224: that's what I meant by "What would you like me to do"
iwaslikeu: well... your parents have their ways...
iwaslikeu: what's the deal with the no chupa on the couch thing... it's not like chup's a st bernard
Catsmeow1224: I don't know.
Catsmeow1224: she's not allowed in the bedrooms either
Catsmeow1224: nor is she allowed in the cars
iwaslikeu: most of my cats are bigger than chupa
Catsmeow1224: I don't know why they didn't get a bird if they wanted an animal that didn't want companionship.
iwaslikeu: poor chup's starving for it
Catsmeow1224: Yes she is.
Catsmeow1224: It breaks my heart.
Catsmeow1224 signed off at 1:40:45 PM.
Catsmeow1224 signed on at 1:40:48 PM.
Catsmeow1224: she tried to jump in the car when we went to leave, but someone saw her, or else I'd have driven an hour or so down the road and been like "oops, we seemed to have packed your dog"
iwaslikeu: well, the way chupa just clung to me, seems to be how most pets react to me
Catsmeow1224: Animals can sense good people.
iwaslikeu: ?
Catsmeow1224: Don't question mark me, you know you're a good person, despite your best efforts.
Catsmeow1224:
iwaslikeu: :-
iwaslikeu: in the book i'm reading the hunter character becomes what people fear the most... in my case i must do something similar...
iwaslikeu: ...women see me and see what they fear most; whether it's commitment, infidelity, military, goth...whatever
Catsmeow1224: Do you want my honest opinion?
iwaslikeu: doesn't mean i'll like it
Catsmeow1224: I'll only give it if you promise this wont turn into a debate.
iwaslikeu: does it usually?
Catsmeow1224: I don't want to have to validate my thoughts on this, but I'd like to put them out there just incase you find any solace in anything I say
iwaslikeu: .oO(usually i sit here while my heart bleeds)
Catsmeow1224: There's no need for bandaids with this one.
Catsmeow1224: I think that...
Catsmeow1224: *deep breath*
Catsmeow1224: You try to hard. You look at your life like it's science fiction, and it seems you're disappointed that it's not. I think what scares people about you is that you can appear fake. *still going... give me a sec*
Catsmeow1224: You're not a hunter, you're not a vampire, you can't morph into stuff.
Catsmeow1224: You like to think that you're mystical, an enigma to people. I think you'd have a lot more luck in love if you'd just stop trying to be someone and stop doing things to fit a persona you've made for yourself and just be.
Catsmeow1224: Now, where the debate would come in is you're sitting there thinking "But that IS me"
Catsmeow1224: and I'm sitting here thinking "Then why are you so uncomfortable in your own skin?"
iwaslikeu: au contrair
Catsmeow1224: and you'd say "But I'm not" and I'd say "But then why can't you just be you?"
iwaslikeu: yes, i would like to be something fantastic...
iwaslikeu: ...yes, i would like to have some of the interesting powers that i read about or describe in my games...
iwaslikeu: ...it used to be that i would just read / play those things, that they were part of me but that i didn't use them as my identity
iwaslikeu: ...but somewheres (different times) along the line people imposed those things on me...
iwaslikeu: between the rumor at school that i was a vampire, and you asking me how long i'd been one, and a certain someone mentioning how she'd love to be one but telling me that i wasn't one
iwaslikeu: i don't know who the hell i am, Nikki, so i can't just be... i think i've been trying...when i'm in a mosh pit, or when i'm crowd surfing... i enjoy the feeling of just letting go, the possibility that anything could happen...but it still doesn't make me any less of a coward
Catsmeow1224: What are you afraid of?
Catsmeow1224: There is a saying, and forgive me, because I never remember exactly how it goes...
Catsmeow1224: "People never find themselves by looking"
iwaslikeu: i know i'm still afraid of heights / falling
iwaslikeu: i tried to cross the creek over Hyre(sp?) on a fallen tree... and only managed to sit on the tree and slide across, i should have been able to just walk / run across it
Catsmeow1224: well, if that's the grocery list of fears, then I don't believe you qualify as a coward.
iwaslikeu: that's one of the ones i can say with certainty
iwaslikeu: i'm afraid of getting sent to iraq
Catsmeow1224: Don't blame you there.
iwaslikeu: but i'm in the wrong line of work for that fear
Catsmeow1224: I agree.
Catsmeow1224: But getting back the the issue at hand,
iwaslikeu: for the last six years, plus quite awhile before that from what i remember, i was a somewhat dominant personality
iwaslikeu: now i'm playing atleast second fiddle to nick
iwaslikeu: i'm at 'home' and yet i'm out of my element
iwaslikeu: and yes, i feel that i lack substance... do i come across as fake? i do feel that when people get past the initial mystery of meeting me, that's it, there is no more... i even told Dave up in Ashtabula that before i met him... he still wants to be friends and says he had a wonderful time when i was up there
iwaslikeu: i feel so invisible
Catsmeow1224 is idle at 2:23:08 PM.
Catsmeow1224 is no longer idle at 2:25:14 PM.
Catsmeow1224: the world was caving in for a second there.
iwaslikeu: *shrugs* it happens
Catsmeow1224: however, it's not quite over, and I've suddenly got company, so I'm gonna go.
iwaslikeu: okay
Catsmeow1224: come back later and we'll finish this conversation.
iwaslikeu: ...okay
Catsmeow1224: talk to you later
iwaslikeu: later
Catsmeow1224 signed off at 2:27:05 PM.
Catsmeow1224 signed on at 4:23:45 PM.
Catsmeow1224 is away at 4:29:36 PM.
iwaslikeu: .oO(i just can't seem to handle people)
Auto response from Catsmeow1224: "Janet!" "Dr. Scott" "Janet!" "Brad!!" "Rocky" *look*
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