11:57 p.m. - 2004-09-26
Started writing this entry at three minutes before my birthday...
I guess I'm just feeling the "birthday blues." That and financial stress, but that's not what's nagging at me right now.
My mom got me a birthday card, a balloon, and a tshirt that she earned from walking the trails of the local parks. She got me the black shirt because she knows I like black. She's even offered to help me financially as far as my car payments go. So it's not the end of the world. With help I can manage.
It's asking for that help that's my issue. Sometimes, like when I needed to print something out not too long ago, I am too afraid to ask for help. At other times, like when I was in California and had a cult-like base of friends, I had no problem asking for help. Sure sometimes I would feel like a leach, that I was just using people, but for some reason I was okay with that. I guess I had some way to justify it then. Now I can't seem to "swallow my pride" enough to just ask.
In addition to the car payments there are several credit card companies who would like my money. Yeah, it's my fault that they want it, but I don't have a real income and won't have one until I return from Germany to give them.
That laundry I was going to put away awhile ago is still sitting right where I left it... so I'm going to take care of it before bed.
p.s. Having Nick's dad compare me to the singing Eeyore toy that his grandson Lyric was playing with... that was a kick in the gut. Between not liking my monotone voice and having an ex-girlfriend refer to me as Eeyore in a more loving way long ago... well yeah...it put me in quiet(er) mode.
I finally put that laundry away in about five minutes time.
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