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3:18 a.m. - 2004-11-27
SWG ISO Friends
It always seems to be these late nights that I get so melancholy. I need a better advertising budget. Possibly if I could get myself noticed then I might just find a few more people that I could eventually call friends.

.oO(How I could possibly go unnoticed on the campus of The University of Akron dressed in black, wearing a black trench coat, and topped off with horns or a top hat is beyond me. There is no such thing as bad publicity.)

I think I'll convert one of my top hats into an advertisement. I'll laminate one of my johnny-t-h-m.diaryland.com stickers for the back of it. Also I'll place a few of my many buttons on it.

Hot Topic still hasn't hired me. I've checked in about my application a couple of times now. Although they need extra people for the holiday season, having ARMY on my application has probably disqualified me.

I'm so tarnished. I was having a conversation tonight about religion. I mentioned that I stopped believing in "god" when I was four years old because of the ninth grade science level I had from reading dinosaur books. She asked me if i were "a bright little boy." I was bright... now I'm tarnished. All my potential was squandered due to various turning points in my public education. I bore with schooling easily if I'm not interested in the class. I'm not interested in a class if it seems entirely too easy to me. In a couple of my classes I have turned in half-assed work done at the last minute and still received good grades on it.

The person whom I was having this conversation with attends The University of Akron, but doesn't want me to meet her. She claims that I won't like her because I will think she is ugly. She said that would be another blow to her self esteem. There's a reason it's called "SELF" esteem. Stop worrying about what other people think about you and live your life how you want. Why should it matter to you what I, a stranger, think about you? If putting you on the spot like this upsets you, I apologize. I would just ask a friend or two for advice, but it doesn't seem to matter how I mention someone new in my life to others, whether they know I spoke about them or not, something always seems to backfire from that point onward.

I cannot boost your self esteem. I cannot lower your self esteem. Only you can do either. If you don't want to meet me, I accept that decision. I don't understand it, but I won't press the issue.

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