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3:29 a.m. - 2004-12-17 i know i dug myself into this hole but i'm so very close to getting things back together again...or i would have been. but i guess i should have wasted my tuition money on my car payments and then when next semester rolled around and i wasn't in class because i couldn't afford it, oh well. johnny doesn't need to go to college any way. who the fuck was i kidding. it's not like i'll be able to afford the rest of my doctorate anyways so i'll never be able to get a job with a psychology major...especially not the job i want. i'm so fucking lonely. i'm so fucking helpless. i'm so fucking immature. last time i went over to my grandma's she'd mentioned "the other one" that my mom had... these women really need to tell me the fucking truth about my life. i grew up hearing "i wish i had adopted you out like the other one." well should i be grateful for my grandpa for talking her out of it and for giving me my name and pissed off at my mom for never telling me the fucking truth? should i be pissed off at my grandpa for making my mom keep me? or like the butterfly effect should i have never been born? I don't have a soul so why the fuck am i here? � � |