12:10 a.m. - 2005-02-06
an excerpt of \"I Feel Sick\" by Jhonen Vasquez
"Your friend thought he could fight, too." *flashback*
Nny: "You think that if you stopped doing something that defined you as a person, that maybe, you cease to be that person?"
Devi: "I dunno, that's a lot of that's."
Nny: "No, come on. I'm being serious."
Devi: "Gasp! Okay...sorry. Serious time begins...Now! Okay, if I have this right,what you're describing isn't so much of a creative block, as it is a creative re-routing."
Nny: "Oooh...I like that."
Devi: "So where is it being re-routed to?"
[pause]
Nny: "What do you think you would do if you couldn't paint anymore?"
Devi: "Ha! That's not even a possibility. I figure my work is all i've got. If i stopped painting, i'd just cease to exist. my every life function exists solely to make sure i have enough strength to get the images out of my head. so it's either immunity or death!!"
Nny: "Or maybe you'd turn into some hideous, madness plagued lunatic bent on performing ghoulishly obscene acts of murder from which there is no conceivable redemption?"
Devi: "Nope!"
Nny: "Damn...so that's just me huh?"
Devi: "What?"
Nny: "nuthin..."
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Talking with Tracey tonight via IM made me see the parallel between Johnny C's predicament and mine more clearly. I haven't been able to roleplay as a player or a storyteller for so very long. My imagination is trapped with nothing to entertain it.
I'm pouring in all this college learning, but it's all factual. Nothing there for me to entertain my brain. Add to that the stressors of having my car reposessed, other financial difficulties, papa john's drama, and army bureaucracy...it's too much.
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